10 Surefire Tricks To Never Smoke Again Always be covered in gasoline Join a human centipede Only smoke underwater Build a time machine, go back in time to the day before you started smoking, and kill yourself Start a petition to rename cigarettes “baby wieners” Replace one cigarette in the pack with a tiny stick of dynamite Die from lung cancer Move somewhere really windy so you literally can’t ever light a cigarette Admit that camels are not good role models Hire Peyton Manning to fire a football at your throat every time you light up Cut off your hands